


Don't go

by SetTheStarsXnFire



Category: Mystic Messenger (Video Game)
Genre: Angst, Blood, Character Death, Feelings Realization, From jumin's point of view, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Sobbing, Songfic, What Have I Done, im sorry
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-02-05
Updated: 2017-02-05
Packaged: 2018-09-22 06:18:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,830
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9587963
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SetTheStarsXnFire/pseuds/SetTheStarsXnFire
Summary: "Eyes getting wet, don't be upset, but my heart really wants to cry".What Jumin never said out loud, his pain, his feelings, and it took him a long time to realize just what was happening. And when he did, it was already too late.Based on the song "Ikanaide" by JubyPhonic.





	

**Author's Note:**

> Italics are the lyrics of the song or emphasis on something.
> 
> I actually teared up while writing this lol

_Thought to myself “I’m okay, I don’t feel a thing”_

_But, in the end, there’s a drag weighing down on me_

I lost count of how many times I had to keep a straight face and a calm demeanor while the women my father brought home threw themselves at me.

It was disgusting. **They** were disgusting.

But I couldn’t say anything, my father would never believe me, his mind always got clouded when it came to women.

Yet, Jihyun always seemed to figure out when things were wrong, and he would ask me about it. The threads would become loose again, thanks to him.

Sometimes that lasted for long, sometimes it didn’t.

It was a weight I had to carry with me and I could never let go of it.

_Running on ahead again, you seemed to escape_

_Every step, never touching down_

_Couldn’t do a thing but stare without a sound_

Things were different when I was with him, he didn’t expect anything. He didn’t ask for money, or favors, or something related to status and popularity. He helped people out before asking for anything in return, something that I didn’t understand. V was kind, but why would anyone go that far for a stranger?

I did say multiple things about it after he was done, but he always replied with the same thing.

“I just want to see a smile on everyone’s faces, even on yours, Jumin”.

I never did anything to help people the way he did, I just watched silently from afar as he handed a kid a lollipop, or helped a lady cross the road, or brought down a cat from a tree.

And I kept watching how everyone he had helped earlier greeted him with a smile, and how he refused the “thank you” presents one or two people would bring with an awkward chuckle.

_Guided away, you walk to a train while I’m standing left behind_

_Dashing off instead, I reach out ahead but can’t make it through the room in time_

_Eyes getting wet, don’t be upset but my heart really wants to cry_

_“Don’t go away yet”_

As soon as I started working on my father’s company, and he got himself a contract with a gallery, we barely saw each other. Our relationship was still the same, yet somewhat distant.

I missed him a lot when he went away on trips, although I couldn’t bring myself to admit it. Whenever he came by to announce his departure I would always stand up from my chair in the office after the door closed, but I would pause my step when I was almost near the door.

I would never open it to say things like: “I will miss you”, “come back”, “wait for me” or “please don’t go”.

I had to kill my emotions **again** , or my work would not be perfect. I couldn’t afford myself to get what I wanted when my father was already doing that.

_You’re moving onto far and beyond, while I’m standing left behind_

_Night running low and leaves me alone, dissolving you from my mind_

_Eyes getting wet, don’t be upset, but my heart really wants to cry_

_“Don’t go away yet”_

He met someone who made him very happy.

I couldn’t blame him, Rika was a wonderful person. Her view of the world was quite interesting, and she always seemed to know what to say to everyone. It made her a great leader of the organization she had created, that also helped her achieve her goals. She was, like Jihyun, always willing to help people.

I, on the other hand, didn’t know why I felt uncomfortable seeing them together. They were both my friends, and they were perfect for each other. So why?

I did notice that at some point in their relationship Jihyun had changed, he was always wearing long sleeved shirts or turtlenecks, even when the sun was burning people and making them sweat.

That also made my heart ache and I always felt like something was wrong, but I never asked. If something was wrong, Jihyun would tell me.

**_Right?_ **

I constantly hoped nothing bad had happened to him.

_Festival abating now I’m waiting for reality_

_Yes, in the end, every night is the same old thing_

_Breaking through it all, you were bright, standing tall_

_How could I only see this now?_

_Couldn’t do a thing but stare without a sound_

We were at an RFA party when it happened. He stood right there, dropped to his knees and he proposed. The blond girl started to cry and said yes almost immediately.

I was shocked, I never expected for their relationship to go that fast, I thought I would have had time. But I had to realize it at the worst moment. I couldn’t go and say what I truly felt now, and I would never. How could I? Jihyun would be shocked, and our friendship would be ruined, besides, he could have a good life with Rika, he **loved _her_**.

But it still hurt.

My heart ached as I approached them with a smile in my face, fake, but I hoped he wouldn’t notice. I told them both the same thing “Congratulations, I hope you’ll be happy forever” and I left in a hurry while their backs were turned.

I didn’t notice the look of worry that Jihyun had gave me when I left.   

_The clock moving on, it drags me along with feet buried in the ground_

_Road going home is dark and alone, but I’ll make it out alive somehow_

I had finished a whole bottle of wine the night they announced their engagement, I had always been very good at handing alcohol, but morning came and I was still asleep in the couch of my living room. No one had come to see me, especially because I told the staff to take the day off, and security always had to notify me before someone approached the penthouse. I was very grateful for that.

I couldn’t let anyone – not even him – to see me like this.

My phone registered six missing calls from Jihyun, and four from Assistant Kang, and it buzzed again when I picked it up. It was the seventh time the photographer had called me, I denied it, but I replied with a text.

“I’m sorry, I’m busy and I can’t take your call. Please inform Assistant Kang that I can’t go to work today”.

And I shut off my phone, I needed some time to **kill my emotions**.

_Flicks in the night, a lamp giving light, my long shadow left behind_

_I’m on my own, aren’t I?_

Rika had died. According to Jihyun, she had thrown herself into the ocean, she had committed suicide.

She had left Jihyun alone, and since that, he had changed so much. He was always wearing sunglasses, we never saw each other, and he stopped coming to the messenger as often as he did before.

And now, he had disappeared.

I was alone for a very long and painful time, I had to constantly destroy my emotions, and make sure the threads weren’t too tight.

It was **suffocating.**

_You’re moving onto far and beyond, while I’m standing left behind_

_Night blurring out without any doubt, again it’ll fill my mind_

_Eyes getting wet, don’t be upset, but my heart really wants to cry_

_“Don’t go away yet”_

Why would he lie to me? Terminal cancer?

Who did he think I was?

I have known him for years, almost all my life, and he expected me to believe him? He was way more honest when we wrote each other letters, back when were just children.

So why had that changed? Why had he become more like the _others_?

I always thought that he would be the only person that would never lie to me, the one person I could always trust.

I could feel the invisible threads around me clinging to my head, neck, my shoulders and more places as I screamed at him, giving Jihyun a piece of my mind.

He apologized, tears welling up in his eyes. “I need to go with Rika”, he whispered.

“No. You’re not doing this to me. _Please_ ”.

**D e s t r o y your emotions.**

_Eyes getting wet, don’t be upset, but my heart really wants to cry_

_“Don’t go away yet”_

Rika was **alive.**

Jihyun had lied to all of us to “protect” us. But how was that any efficient when he was the only one receiving the pain? He could have said the truth, Saeyoung could have tracked her down, recovered his brother, and Jihyun wouldn’t be covered in **blood.**

My shoulders wouldn’t be shaking as I held his body within my arms, unshed tears gathering in my eyes. He would have been showing me the pictures of his recent trip, his eyes would be fine and he could have seen my smile. But those eyes were cloudy now, and he couldn’t see how I was trying my hardest to hold back my feelings.

But it didn’t work, tears fell from my eyes and rolled down my cheeks. We both knew it, Jihyun wouldn’t survive, the bullet had pierced something important.

He coughed blood, and his cold hands searched for my face, smiling a bit but instantly frowning when he noticed how wet my cheeks were.

“Please don’t cry, Jumin”.

I took a deep breath to answer, but my voice still broke. “Then _please_ promise me you won’t go a-away, _not yet_ ”.

He smiled, “I’m sorry… I **can’t** do that, it’s too l-late”. His voice broke in the middle of his sentence, and tears were running down his face too.

I shook my head, mumbling ‘no’ over and over again under my breath, but I knew that what he said was the truth. “It’s all _her_ fault, and you’re an idiot”.

He laughed, and raised himself until our faces were by the same level. “ _I love you too_ , Jumin”.

I didn’t want it to be like this, I didn’t want to find that out when he was dying. It hurt, it hurt so much to know that this wasn’t a dream. That I wouldn’t wake up the next morning and stare at his face on the other side of my bed, instead, I would remember the events of that day and I would feel lost.

His face found its way to mine, and he was kissing me for what seemed like eternity, even though I knew it had only been a few seconds. He pulled away, coughing even more blood.

“Please live on without me, Jumin”. Those were his last words before he went limp on my arms, breathing for the **last** time.

I screamed.

I held him within my arms for a lot of time, whispering over and over the same thing.

**“Don’t go”.**

But he did.

_I will never forgive you for leaving on your own, Jihyun._

**Author's Note:**

> I hope you enjoyed this! It was originally (still is actually) posted in Tumblr and I thought it wouldn't be so bad to have it here too.   
> My tumblr: setthestarsxnfire  
> Btw, English is not my first language, so I apologize in case I have any grammar mistakes.


End file.
